Being Remembered

Now that everyone in my family has been fully vaxxed, we've been welcoming my parents back into our home. I've even let them bring their aging dachshund along, which is a big deal for me (I'm not a fan of dogs).

Before the pandemic, we would often invite my parents over for an evening of television, watching programs from the streaming services that we had but they didn't. We would watch The Crown on Netflix or a movie on Amazon Prime. It was always a relaxing evening, with good company, sharing the experience of a good televised show.

We really missed their absence when new shows came out, knowing that my parents would enjoy watching them, too. My parents added Netflix and Prime to their home TV service, so we would share new titles and they would reciprocate (they put us on to The Queen's Gambit; we recommended that they watch The Detectorists). But it wasn't the same as having them in the same room, enjoying a show, together.

We're glad that they can come over again. We've started watching Ted Lasso together, as my parents don't have Apple TV. DW and I are seeing this series for the second time, and we're loving it as much as my folks are, for the first time.

Between episodes, we'll take a break. Someone will go to the bathroom; drinks will be refreshed; conversations will start, either about the past episode or about news from family and friends.

After a few minutes, our TV will switch to screen savers that come from the Apple TV box. They are mostly drone shots over cities and famous landscapes; sometimes, they're underwater shots of sea life.

China, 1997.

One of the drone shots follows The Great Wall of China. As I mentioned, last week, I'll be virtually travelling the Great Wall in The Conqueror app. But as the drone passed over the wall, I let out a sigh and said, "Ahh... I still remember our trip there."

"You two sure have seen the world," my mom said, watching the screen shot.

"There's still so much that we haven't seen," I said. "I'm hoping to get to Iceland next year. There's still more of Italy that we haven't seen but want to, and we still have that trip to Belgium, Germany, and The Netherlands that we want to make up for." That was a trip that was supposed to have been taken in autumn of 2020 but was cancelled because of COVID.

"Still," my mom said, "you've been to a lot of places."

My folks have travelled but not as much as my mother wishes they had. They've been to Spain, to the UK, and to the Dominican Republic. They've travelled to spots in Canada and the U.S., but not extensively. My father, in his late teens, went to Mexico with his parents but says he'll never go again—someone pulled a gun on him.

Florence, Italy, 2004.

But my mother's dream is to travel with her family. We've spoken about renting a villa in Italy. She was interested in joining DW, our kids, and me in France, when we went in 2014. We talked about going to Ireland together. Yet, plans have never materialized. When we were booking our trip to France, my folks said the timing wasn't right.

"No one remembers you for the things you wished you had done," I told her. "No one will remember you for being frugal, for staying put. I want to be remembered for being adventurous, for being an explorer."

Yes, I want to be remembered for that. But more than anything else, I want to be remembered as a good person who loved his friends, who valued his family above all else. I want to be remembered as a person who could make you laugh and was fun to be around. Who could put his thoughts to words and could take a decent photo, one that showed how he saw the world around him.

I hope my mother gets to travel more. Someday, we'll get everyone into that Italian villa. But whether we do or not, my mother will be remembered for her kindness, the joy she brings wherever she goes, and for how much she loves her family.

When you think of it that way, travel seems less important.