Monday, June 9, 2025

AITA?

We're pretty lucky: we have good neighbours.

We've lived in our house for more than 25 years and have seen a lot of changes. Neighbours have come and gone, bringing new families from various backgrounds. There has always been a sense of community, especially in the circle at the end of our cul-de-sac.

There aren't a lot of original owners left. Including ourselves, there are four original families. All of our kids were born around the same time and grew up together, and it's been great watching these individuals go from babies to adults.

New families have come into our neighbourhood and for the most part, they've been a great addition to our street. There is a family, a few doors down, where the kids don't seem to understand boundaries and whose parents are quite noisy.

Privately, I call the dad 'Foghorn Leghorn.' He's a loudmouth schnook.

Our house is bookended by two families with young kids. We're the old folks in the middle. The kids are well-behaved and the parents are great. It's always nice to chat with them when we're outside.

The newest neighbours have a young daughter, and she and the mom love cats. When they learned that we have three, they asked if they could visit: the husband was allergic to cats so they couldn't have one of their own.

Sure, absolutely, they were welcome to come over. We'd make tea for the mom and offer milk or juice to the daughter, and we'd have a lovely visit. On subsequent visits, they'd even bring toys for the cats.

After a while, they were able to find a cat of their own that was hypoallergenic, and the father got shots so that he could tolerate the cat (he liked cats, too, but his allergies had forced him to keep a distance). The cat is extremely cute and playful.

The neighbours have bought a harness and leash, and the mom brings the cat outside for walks, but lately I've been noticing a habit that has made me uncomfortable to the point that I want to say something, but have been reluctant out of fear that I'll come off as being an asshole.

Hence, the title to this blog post (I bet you were wondering when I'd get around to that, weren't you?)

As part of their walk, the mom brings the cat onto our property. Generally, I don't mind the daughter cutting across our front lawn and walkway to visit the kids that live on the side of our house, where our front porches are side-by-side.

And the mom also has done the same, accompanying her daughter and chatting with these neighbours. I've never had an issue with this behaviour.

But the mom will walk the cat, on its leash, and come onto our porch, right up to our door, without necessarily wanting to knock on the door. She'll also sit on the chairs on our porch to have a rest while the cat sniffs our doormat.

Our doorbell cam, with another visitor.

We have surveillance cameras at the front of our house. One monitors our driveway; the other is a camera on our doorbell, which is activated any time someone is spotted on our pathway or porch. For the doorbell camera, we've turned down the sensitivity so that it doesn't pick up movement on our neighbour's porch.

We respect their privacy.

We receive a notification on our smartphones any time the cameras are activated. Whenever there's a delivery, the camera will tell us it thinks a package has been left on our front steps. If a squirrel, rabbit, or other creature wanders on our porch, we are notified.

Lately, I've seen a lot of notifications that a person was spotted on our porch, and when I check the video, it's our neighbour and her cat, out for a walk. Sometimes, the daughter will also visit, on her own, and will sit on one of our chairs.

I received several such notifications while we were travelling in Peru. Our neighbours knew that we were away, that my parents were looking after our cats, so there really wasn't a reason to be hanging out on our porch.

I realize that they live next to the loudmouth schnook on the other side of their house. I know that he can be a bit much—even I'll go inside if I'm sitting on my porch and hear him going on and on about something—and she might need a bit of a reprieve.

But I find it odd to see the mom hanging out on my property all the time, whether we're at home or not, and for her to not be there to hang out with us. One morning, I pulled the blinds on my bedroom window, and there she was, on my lawn, with her cat on its leash, sniffing around in our flower garden (the cat, not the neighbour).

DW says she doesn't mind but I find it a little odd. No other neighbour just comes onto other neighbours' properties. If a neighbour is walking their dog, they keep it off of other people's lawns.

Nobody else just comes to my front porch and has a seat when I'm not there, too.

Even though DW doesn't mind, it makes me uncomfortable. I find it somewhat invasive. I feel that boundaries aren't being respected.

I'd like to say something but I don't want to come across as the curmudgeonly neighbour who is yelling, "Get off of my lawn." I want to convey how I find it odd to have them hanging out on my property without offending them.

So, I'm turning to you, my dear readers. What do you think? Am I being an a-hole for feeling this way and for wanting to politely tell them to knock it off? If I'm justified, how should I approach our neighbour to let her know?

For the most part, we've always had good neighbours and I want to be a good neighbour, too. But I find these neighbours need to know that I'm not comfortable with seeing them constantly hanging out in spaces that aren't public.

What do you think? AITA?

4 comments:

  1. Normal feeling to abnormal neighbour behaviour. Tell the mother and daughter that your cats react badly to the scent/sight of other animal/people on your porch. Cats will scrap if irritated so please refrain from hanging out on your porch.

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    1. Thanks. Because we've had our cats out with us on the front porch when she's happened by, she'd know that's not true. I want to be honest when approaching her about how I feel.

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  2. Ask if there is any reason to sit on your porch. That might end it and it’s not confrontational, you can seem like you care.

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  3. I mean, you feel how you feel and that doesn’t make you an ass. There are definitely people who are more comfortable just coming onto someone else’s property. I’m personally not very comfortable even if I’ve had explicit invitations issued (come over and use my pool/trampoline/backyard anytime) - I might take you up on it once, but I’m not suddenly going regularly. But when it’s the other way around I truly don’t mind and it is kind of sad when the neighbours next door have to be told over and over that yes, their kid can just come and use our slide. Yes, your kid can swing on the swing - in fact that’s why it’s in the front yard because in that back means we have to ring your bell and ask if little Johnny wants to use our stuff and we don’t have the bandwidth to do that very often. But in the front Suzy will spend five minutes every afternoon swinging on the way home and Peter from down the road will walk to our street and play outside. In fact, prepandemic we used to get kids coming over and inside the house all the time too, and that’s why I have a random neighbour in some of our Thanksgiving photos because kid happened to be here and clearly wasn’t ready to go home when the visitors arrived. So we rolled with it. I miss those days. Soooo… having a neighbour walk on my lawn with their cat clearly doesn’t bother me at all and tbh I do think you are over reacting a bit. They aren’t peering in your windows, just sitting in chairs that aren’t in use.
    I’m a fairly private person - though hospitable- so I do understand what you are saying about boundaries and feeling a bit violated by the assumption that they are welcome whenever. I don’t think it would be strange to say that you prefer that they don’t come over and use the chairs when you aren’t home. It is rather strange to request that they stay off your lawn without a reason beyond that it’s your property - the cat isn’t going to harm your grass and it doesn’t sound like the problem is anything other than wanting to assert your property rights. I don’t think there is a way to ask about that without coming across as curmudgeonly unless you wanted to mention that the camera notifications are bothering you and you were hoping they could try to avoid triggering the camera. It sounds to me like yoi’ve established a decent relationship with your neighbours though and I suspect you can keep the relationship as is or you can assert your boundaries. Any comment is very likely to cool things down significantly

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