Baby, You're Cold Inside

If it were me, I'd put a universal ban on "The Twelve Days of Christmas." That song really sucks.

For all of you who are up in arms over the fact that some radio stations have pulled the 1944 Frank Loesser song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," I have a couple of questions for you:

• Are you avid listeners of those radio stations?
• Is your Christmas incomplete without that song?
• If the stations had quietly removed the song from their rotation, would you have noticed?

When I heard that various stations were removing the song from their rotation, my first thought was that I had only heard of one station: CBC Music. But I don't subscribe to the streaming service but if I had, I wouldn't subscribe to their holiday stream, but that's because Christmas music drives me nuts on any day other than Christmas Day—Christmas Eve (the evening), at a stretch.

If I hear Christmas music, I don't keep a mental inventory of what passes my ears. If a song doesn't play, I don't decry, "Where's... ?"

I understand the historical context of the song. I get that in the 1940s, it was scandalous for an unmarried woman to want to stay over with an unmarried man. The woman in the song is voicing the societal reasons why she mustn't stay, while the man is giving reasons to explain why, under the right circumstances, she could stay.

The "what's in this drink" phrase is, as part of this song, another reason for the woman to stay. If she can't drive, and if there are no cabs, then perhaps she should stay.

If people had been offended by the song when it first appeared (according to Wikipedia, "Loesser wrote 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' for his wife, Lynn Garland, and himself to sing at a housewarming party in New York City," and it was later sold to MGM, where it was used in the romantic comedy, Neptune's Daughter), where the context was understood, it would have never survived to this day.

That's my rant in support of this song. Let us now pause...



...Okay.

Some things don't stand the test of time. I'm a big fan of Star Trek and grew up on the original series. But when I watch some of the episodes today, I cringe.

Remember when Doctor McCoy and Captain Kirk were on the bridge of the Enterprise, and a young female officer is talking to Uhura and Scotty, who is smitten? McCoy, who sees Scotty's doting and remarks, "I'm not sure she thinks he's the right man. On the other hand, she's a woman—all woman. One day she'll find the right man and off she'll go, out of the service."

Throughout the Star Trek franchise, women are treated as fearful objects, in need of the men to protect them. Or simply as sex objects.

Yes, I cringe when I see these scenes, but overall I still love the shows, still watch them. But I wouldn't be upset if some of the sexist episodes went away.

There are lots of Christmas songs that don't stand the test of time, and not just because they're awful songs. "Santa Baby" makes me want to vomit. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is about a peeping Tom who manipulates children's behaviour.

I cringe when I hear these songs because I'm educated and in tune with what's going on in the world. I'm sensitive to other peoples sensitivities and even though I may understand the background to an old song, I agree that if some people cringe at it, then maybe we take it out of circulation.

For those who think society is going too far, I remind you of the three questions I had at the top of my rant.

No one is calling for bonfires, wherein people will throw their vinyl albums into the inferno and celebrate the total removal of these songs from the face of the Earth.

No one is suggesting that it be a crime to play these songs in public. If you like the song, play it. Enjoy it. Sing along with it.

But if you're going to make more noise than those who decided to retire it because it leaves a bad taste today, then you're the problem.

Congratulations: you've got the mindset of someone 75 years in the past. It may be cold outside, but you're cold on the inside.