Tomorrow marks the eighth anniversary of The Brown Knowser. One thousand, eight hundred, and seventy published posts. More than 376,000 views (almost 4,000 views, on average, each month: this month, I was stunned to learn that my blog topped 10,000 views for the first time in almost two years).
I am eternally grateful for all of my readers and followers. But now, I have to stop.
At least, for a time.
A week ago, I visited my doctor because I found that my short-term memory was failing me, among other things. I'm constantly exhausted, both mentally and physically, and my anxiety levels are through the roof.
I already know that I suffer from depression. It's not something I talk about, not even with family and close friends, but some days I find myself paralyzed, unable to get myself out of bed or off the sofa. It doesn't last long, no more than a day or two, but these days I've been fighting it to the point that my mind becomes scattered and I have to struggle to keep moving.
My doctor talked about all of my activities and my sleep pattern. I talked about my blog; I talked about my novel; I talked about my photography; I talked about my family; I talked about work. I told her that I strive to get to bed before midnight but usually fail. My alarm rings, most weekday mornings, at 5.
I told her that over the past couple of months, I've grown stressed at work, that I'm not happy with my job and how I dread being in the office.
We talked about my feet and how I've dealt with the pain. I told her that things were rough in the years that led up to my surgery, that I had "picked my bridge" in the event that my foot couldn't be fixed, that the pain would continue.
Thankfully, with the exception of a strain on my left ankle that came from overworking my foot in South Korea, my pain has diminished, that the surgery was a success, that the injections in my right foot for my osteoarthritis keep the pain at bay.
I have my bridge, but I don't need it at present.
My doctor has referred me to a psychiatrist, and I await my first appointment. In the meantime, my doctor has instructed me to get more sleep, and has given me literature on techniques I can use to sleep better.
My doctor has also told me that I have too much on my plate. Particularly with my writing, which occupies so much of my time. "Something has to go," she said. "Keep two things that give you the most joy and eliminate the other." She was referring to my blog, my novel, and my photography.
I'm committed to finishing my novel by the end of the summer. My whole reason for going to Korea was to jump start my writing, and it succeeded. I wasn't about to put that back on the shelf.
Whether I'm with my D-SLR, my compact cameras, or my smartphone, not a day goes by that a camera isn't within short reach. I can't look at anything without considering how it would look in my viewfinder or screen. Photography gives me almost more joy than writing, and so I can't put my cameras down.
That leaves The Brown Knowser.
Even though my blog has given me so much joy, it also produces a lot of stress. I worry about not having any material to use for a post. I worry that the quality of my writing isn't worthy of my readers. I worry that my rants will offend people.
I love my blog but it's a large part of my anxiety.
So, on the eve of my eighth anniversary, I'm going to step away. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future.
At least, until my physical and mental health improve.
So, what happens to Beer O'Clock? What happens to my photos?
When I was travelling in Korea, I shared a lot of thoughts through Twitter. I think I'll use that social media tool as my main outlet. I also posted photos through Instagram, which were shared out through Twitter and Facebook. I liked posting images and ideas through that format.
Beer O'Clock, when I do review beer, will start through Instagram, with photos of the beer or brewery, and will continue as a thread on Twitter. If you like my beer reviews, consider following me.
As I work on my novel, I will share rough drafts of my chapters on my Gyeosunim blog. When the manuscript is ready for my publisher, that blog will stop but the first chapter will be available. Same as what I did with Songsaengnim: A Korea Diary.
So, this is it. It's time. After eight years, I'm stepping away from The Brown Knowser. I won't say goodbye: instead, I'll just see ya around sometime.
Oh, and here's one last photo...
No comments:
Post a Comment