Catfish

Forget the fact that I'm married: what would a beautiful, young woman want with an old guy like me?

Every so often, on Instagram, I'll get a direct message from a woman that I don't know, who starts off with an innocent "Hi." Ninety-nine percent of the time, I just block those people. I'm not interested in engaging someone I don't know.

For the other one percent of these unsolicited posts, I'll return the message with an equal "Hi." Sometimes, that response will be met with a photo of the person (or of the suspected person) in a bikini or evening dress, with a "Do you wanna chat?" follow up.

I block 100 percent of those messages. First of all, like I said, I'm married. Also, I suspect that the person on the other end of that account is a catfish, looking to get something from me.

I've always wondered what that person thinks that they can get from me. I wonder how easy it can be for someone to be conned into giving up money or compromising information.

The photo that started it all.

The message that I recently received came in the form of a comment to a photo that I posted on my Instagram account, shortly after I returned from the Thanksgiving weekend in Toronto. The comment was a question and seemed harmless enough.

"Are you a photographer in Toronto?"

"I live in Ottawa," was my simple answer.

It's no secret. Anybody who spends any time looking me up will discover that I live in Ottawa, I'm married, I have cats, and I can be found on Threads, Mastodon, LinkedIn, on YouTube, and of course, my blog.

This person—let's call them Carolyn—then sent me a direct message, encouraging me to follow them on Instagram. I looked at the photos on the account and saw a youngish Asian woman, well-dressed, posing in what looked to be fancy restaurants or in expensive cars, showing off jewelry, expensive watches, and eating gourmet food.

Like with so many of these unsolicited mystery people, I was tempted to block the account, but I got a message that read, "I like your photographs."

Harmless.

I don't know why but I decided to follow Carolyn, instead. If it was a catfish that was reaching out to me, I wanted to see what this person wanted from me. I was curious.

Carolyn told me that she was 37 years old and living in Pennsylvania. She is an importer/exporter. She's of South Korean descent but was raised by her grandmother in Hong Kong, while her parents still live in Korea. She immigrated to the United States just over a year ago.

I told her what anyone can find out by reading my blog, that I'm 58 and a writer.

Carolyn said that she wanted to visit Ottawa some day, and I told her that if she did, to reach out to me.

For a couple of days, she'd send me a simple greeting and a photo of her, always immaculately dressed, as though she was about to head out on the town. In return, I've sent a couple of selfies of my goofy, smiling face.

She wanted to be friends.

"Sure," I said, still wondering what it was that she was after. What does a beautiful young woman, who seemed to be living a glamourous life, want with a crusty old married guy?

She asked me, one day, if I had ever invested in crypto contracts. Ah, I thought, here we go. "No," I said, "but financially, I'm good." That was all I wanted to say on the matter.

She went on to tell me that her aunt had introduced her to crypto contracts and she had made enough money to enjoy the finer things in life. If I was interested, she could send me information.

"I'm good, but thanks anyway," I said. Of course, I was familiar with cryptocurrency but I hadn't heard of crypto contracts before, so I looked them up. And for someone who isn't financially literate beyond mutual funds, GICs, stocks, and other traditional forms of investment, crypto contracts had me confused.

If something like this can confuse me, and if it's tied to cryptocurrency, I'm not interested. I've always been a moderate to low-risk investor, and what I have is doing just fine. And because I can see myself retiring in less than five years, I'm not about to mess with what I already have.

Carolyn dropped the subject and we just had idle chit chat for a few minutes more, before I bid her a good day.

Every day, Carolyn continued to reach out, to wish me a good day and tell me about hers. She met up with friends a few evenings a week. She volunteered at a seniors' residence. She went to an auction.

One day, she told me that she was going car shopping with a friend, and then she sent me a short video of a scan of cars in a dealership showroom. The cars were Ferraris and Lamborghinis.

"Wow," I said, "is your friend buying one of these cars?"

Carolyn said that her friend was going to buy a car but didn't like what she saw, so instead, Carolyn bought a Ferrari.

"You bought a Ferrari?" I asked. "I've loved Ferraris since I was a kid."

"I've been fortunate enough with my crypto contracts to afford the good things in life," she said. If you want, I can send you information and help you like my aunt has helped me."

"I'm happy where I am," I said, "but thanks anyway."

Again, she didn't press further.

More daily greetings, more photos of her, well-dressed. In the two weeks that we've been interacting, there have been no sexually suggestive photos. Just her, expensively dressed, with tantalizing food or in nice surroundings.

She sent me a note to say that she was thinking of coming to Ottawa at Christmas and I told her that I wouldn't be available, that Christmas is a time for me to be with my family. She then said that maybe she'd come a couple of weeks before Christmas, and I said that I couldn't promise anything but to reach out when she had made her plans.

Whatever.

I kept wondering what she wanted from me. Maybe, she really just wanted to be friends. I told her that I was married and had two kids—again, nothing that anybody couldn't find out just by following me on social media.

Last Friday, she asked me what I was doing, and I told her that DW and I were relaxing in front of the TV. In return, I asked her what she was up to on a Friday night. I half expected her to be getting ready to go out with her friends, but instead she said that she was sitting at home, reading financial magazines, reading more about crypto contracts. That I really should look into them, myself.

"Are you just being friends with me to get me to invest in crypto contracts?" I asked her. "I've already told you, twice, that I'm not interested. I'd like to keep my financial situation private."

"I think you lack ambition," she wrote. "How do you ever expect to succeed if you don't have ambition?"

I think I got more pissed off than I should have, but I let her know that she knew nothing about me or my ambitions, and that if she was going to make such assertions that she couldn't be my friend. I bid her a good night and put my phone down for the night.

If Carolyn was a catfish, I told myself, it was best to pull the plug. I turned my attention to the show that DW and I were watching and didn't look at my phone again until I plugged it into the charger at my bedside table, to charge the phone for the night. I didn't check for messages.

In the morning, I found a message from Carolyn that mentioned nothing about our online argument but was a cheerful message to bid me a good night.

On Saturday evening, she left me another cheerful message and a selfie: again, well dressed and with a smile. She seemed to be in a high-rise apartment and after chatting, she revealed that it was a Manhattan studio that she was thinking of renting.

This time, no mention of crypto investments. Was she thinking that seeing photos of expensive clothes, Ferrari dealerships, Manhattan studios, and good food would make me want to invest with her?

Yesterday, another greeting and more selfies, no different than any others.

Is this a catfish? I've made it clear that I don't want to talk about my finances or investments, and if she mentions crypto again, I'll block her.

I've mentioned that I'm happily married and there's been no talk about anything more than being friends.

What do you think? Have you ever had a similar situation? Should I block her? What should I do?

I'll let you know if anything changes, but if she just wants to be a friend, I can live with that.

Stay tuned?