Growth and Healing

I don't know if the beard's going to last.

I mean, when I see myself in the mirror, I sometimes don't recognize myself. I see an older man who looks like he's got some wisdom yet can still be fun. I also think the beard makes my face seem slimmer.

Despite my on-again, off-again exercise regime, though, I have lost a bit of weight. It's the occasional cycling, the weekend kayaking, the sporadic core exercises, and the fact that I've greatly reduced the amount of sweets, chips, and beer that I consume.

I'm feeling better these days. Not back to my old self—the permanent damage to my lungs has seen an end to that—but there's a noticeable improvement.

And that improvement was verified by my recent visit to my lung specialist.

After my last visit, where I had learned that I've lost about 20 percent of my lung capacity, I was wondering if this was the beginning of the end. The respirologist performed the capacity test and had listened to my lungs, and told me he heard a crackling and wheezing in my breathing.

I was put on some fairly strong medication: capsules that I would place in a chamber, pierce each side, and strongly inhale. Once a day, every day, for the rest of my life.

At that appointment, he told me to visit him in a couple of months, when he would perform a pulmonary test and check to see how the medication was working.

I have to say that I didn't care for these meds. Even though I had to rinse out my mouth and gargle well, I was developing what felt to be a lump in my throat. In the past month, I was always finding phlegm in my throat, was always clearing it, and my throat was becoming sore.

The pulmonary test was a shorter and simpler version of the capacity test. My doctor listened to my lungs and said that the test showed that my lungs—what I had left—were clear. The 80 percent was working at full capacity.

Listening to my lungs, he declared that there was no crackling, no wheezing. And I agreed that my lungs did feel better, although my throat was feeling the effects of the powder I was inhaling daily.

So he wrote out a new prescription for another type of inhaler that was similar but gentle on my throat. As soon as my current prescription runs out, I'm to start using this inhaler twice each day.

I'll see him again in another six months.

So I'm at a new baseline. Hopefully, my lungs will stay clear. They feel better, anyway. And when I start the new inhaler, hopefully the lump in my throat will go away.

So this is the new me, both inside and out. My lungs are stable. Now all I have to do is decide if I want to keep my current face or go back.

At least, in that respect, I can easily go back to normal.