Fear

I hate being sick.

Last week, I got hit with a flu bug that kept me in bed, unable to do anything except sip a few liquids, for about three days. During that time, the only thoughts that went through my head are: I'm so cold; I ache; I don't want to eat; I hope my family doesn't catch this; I can't blog.

Believe it or not, it bothered me that I couldn't muster enough energy to write a blog post. I couldn't sit up long enough to start up my laptop, nor did I have the mental faculties to come up with anything that I could type up for The Brown Knowser. Drinking a beer and writing about it was out of the question. Even digging up a photo to post was a daunting task.

And so I lay in bed and rested, tried desperately to get better.

During my fits and fevers, I had some pretty disturbing dreams: one, in which I was an acrobat on a flying trapeze that used bungee cords. Me, with my fear of heights, plunged about five stories before the cord would swing me, while I held on.

Upside down, by my ankles: back and forth and up and down.

Over an Olympic-sized pool that was simultaneously holding a swim meet.

In a straight jacket.

All the while, I was worried about some kids I didn't even know, was growing frustrated in wondering why I had to be responsible for their safety instead of their parents. Where the hell were they, anyway?

In both my drowsy, waking hours and my deep sleep, imagined that in my absence, my readers grew tired of waiting for my health to improve, thought that my blog was boring anyway, and that my lack of posts was excuse enough to leave me, to read another blog post.

There are plenty of them out there. Why wouldn't you?

I don't know how many months I have written six posts a week, without interruption, but it's been a while*. For me, not writing on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday nights was an eternity. (Okay, I did write something for Beer O'Clock on Sunday, which posted yesterday, but I also wanted to have something for yesterday's Brown Knowser post, to let you know that, for the most part, my flu has subsided.)

One of my favourite bloggers once wrote about her fear that if she stopped writing for a day or two, she would lose the momentum that she had created with her readers and that they would go away. It's crazy, of course: she's a highly successful blogger with a huge fan base.

I'm still small potatoes, by comparison. I'm grateful for the followers that I have, but I'm still hoping to someday have a tenth of the number of followers she has. I feel that I can't afford to lose any of you, because if I lose the momentum and you stop reading, I will not have the drive to write as often as I do.

And I feel that you make me better for writing more.

So, I'm sorry for the break in continuity. Sorry for leaving a gap in The Brown Knowser. I'm feeling better now. The blogging continues.

Thanks for still being there.

You're still there, right?

If so, could you please keep an eye on your kids while I do this death-defying feat?

One... two... three...


* Actually, it's been since last July.