I Can Be Such a Child

There are people out there, who, when they discover my age, say, "no way."

I'm 48.

When those people express their disbelief, I have a pat answer: "I know. I get that a lot. It's because I act like I'm 12."

The evidence of my childish behavior lies in some of the posts I've blogged in the past. To wit, my posts about my Top 5 List. Like the Ross of the 90s show, Friends, my wife and I devised a list of the five celebrities, who, if given the opportunity to sleep with, would be allowed to without any repercussions toward our relationship.

Lori kept her list private. She's smart. And mature. And, I don't think she really made a list.

I, on the other hand, not only made a list, I told people about it. Unlike the fictional Ross, I didn't laminate the list on a wallet-sized card: worse, I posted the list on my blog. I started following three of the five on Twitter (I don't think the other two are on Twitter). And, I tweeted links to my blog to those three unsuspecting women.

Yes, that was creepy. I know. But I'm harmless, mostly.

Of those three, I know that two of them have read the post. One of them even responded to the post with a comment. That made my day (more proof that I can behave like a 12-year-old).

On Canada Day, Sarah Slean came to Ottawa to perform a free concert at the NAC. She was accompanied by the NAC Orchestra and the 60-member Unisong Choir. It was a first-come, first-seated event.

This is as close as I managed to get.

Shot with my 50mm lens, the magnification is 1:1.

Because photography was allowed (or, at least, it wasn't discouraged), I switched lenses and got closer.

Having been to three other Sarah Slean concerts, this was the closest I've ever sat. For me, this was as close as I thought I'd ever get to one of my Top 5.

But it got better.

After the show, as we were heading out, we saw a sign that said Sarah was going to come out to the theatre foyer, where she would greet fans and sign autographs. We hung around, letting the kids pick out a poster and one of the few CDs of hers that we didn't already have.

When Ms. Slean came to the foyer, we applauded and got into the autograph lineup. I handed Lori my iPhone and my brother-in-law my D-SLR, and asked them to get ready to snap photos.

When it was our turn to approach her, my youngest handed Sarah the poster, and gave her name. "What a pretty girl," Sarah said, and she looked up at me. She then began to sign, but looked up at me again."

I extended my hand. "Hi, Sarah, I'm Ross Brown."

She smiled and replied, taking my hand, "We're Twitter buddies." Yes, Sarah Slean and I follow each other and have exchanged tweets. But for her to call me her Twitter buddy made my heart race.

Just like a little kid.

While she finished signing the poster, we chatted, but I have no memory of what we said. I was self-conscious of the fact that while she looked fabulous, I was in my Canada Day shirt and shorts, having worn these clothes all day, outdoors, where I had sweat in the summer heat. I thought to myself, I must stink. Also, I hadn't shaved, and I was sporting the worst hair cut I've had in years, if not ever. But I summoned up the courage to ask: "Would it be all right if I had my picture taken with you?"

"Of course," she said.

Beauty and the Beast

Did I talk to her about my Top 5 List? Are you crazy?

I may be childish sometimes, but unlike Ross from Friends, I didn't make any proposition. On the contrary: I thought, Sarah Slean can't be on my list any more. We're Twitter buddies. We're virtual friends. I can't sleep with a friend. (Also, we stayed until most of her fans left, and we met Sarah's parents, who came to get her at the end.)

And just like that, my list crumbled apart.

Like every child, we must all grow up at some point.

But if Kate Kelton came to town...

Top Five—Reprise

In my effort to bring some of my posts from the Brownfoot Journal to The Brown Knowser, I thought I'd ease in, bringing old posts to the new blog gradually—you know, when I'm either out of time or out of ideas to write something new.

One of my more popular posts from the Brownfoot Journal actually caught the attention of one of the people that is mentioned in this post (all right, I tweeted her and gave her the link; but she didn't have to go to the post, read it, and respond!). We still tweet each other from time to time; most recently, yesterday (okay, she tweeted the world and I responded; but then she replied, so there!).

So here is the post about my top five. It's been revised because a few months later, I changed one of the ladies in my lineup. I wanted a top six, but Lori put her foot down.

What's my top five? Read on...

Do you remember that episode of Friends, when Ross and Rachel made a list of celebrities who, should the occasion ever avail itself, they could sleep with without incurring any wrath? I'm sure that many couples who watched that episode laughed at the show, but immediately talked about What if?? and came up with lists of their own.

Did you?

Lori and I did. I had a couple of choices off the top of my head, whereas Lori had to give it some thought. Gary Sinise was at the top of her list and came after a few seconds of thought, but she had to struggle to come up with her list. She said that I was really the only one on her list, but I said that was a cop-out.

I don't know what made me think of the list today, but when I asked Lori who the other men were on her list, she said she didn't want to share. How selfish, I said, but again her answer was that I was the only one on her list that mattered.

See? Selfish!

I, on the other hand, like to share. And so, here's my top-five list of ladies that I would do if I got the chance, and for whom Lori would give me a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card. The list has changed over the years—that's allowed, right?

Jennifer Aniston: Hey, she kind of started it, didn't she? And if a geeky Ross like David Schwimmer can get her, why couldn't I? Aren't I geeky enough?

I've had the hots for Jennifer Aniston since the first season of Friends, and when she and Brad Pitt broke up, I wanted to be there to comfort her. Despite her superstar status, Aniston has come across as being real, being the girl next door. Some women have come and gone from my list, but Jennifer has always stayed on top.

Salma Hayek: Salma has also been a founding member of my top 5 list. She oozes sexy. And with her Latino roots, how could she go wrong. I fell in love with her in Fools Rush In (hey, that film, with Matthew Perry, brings her one degree from Friends) and it was in Frida where I fell in love with her acting talent. When she made appearances on Ugly Betty, I would watch the show, but only for her—I hated that show.

Lori approves of this choice for my list (secretly, I think Salma is on Lori's list). And that's pretty cool.

Kate Kelton: Who? She was the Tic-Tac girl for a number of years. The first time I saw her, it was for only 30 seconds. But it was the most-seductive 30 seconds I had ever experienced. From that time on, whenever we recorded a television show and fast-forwarded through the commercials, I would actually stop and back up to the beginning of the commercial, just so I could watch Kate. When she puckered up to blow her minty breath, I would pucker up too, hoping that someday our lips would touch. She also does a Cadillac commercial that makes my pen, well, you'd have to see the ad. Kate also appears in Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle and, most recently, Bullet In The Face. She's just so, so incredibly hot^*. And you can also find her on her Web site. And here. Oh yeah: and as I said, we occasionally chat on Twitter.

Stana Katic: I really got into Castle this season, mostly due to Stana's hotness and the building tension between her character and Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion—another Canadian). When I watched the season finale last week, I think my heart skipped a beat with the cliff-hanger ending. If Detective Kate Beckett ever leaves the show, there will be one less viewer. One of the up-sides to me bumping Natalie Brown is that I have replaced her with another Canadian. That's gotta count for something, right? I'm now following Stana on Twitter, but not in a creepy way (though I may notify her about the existence of this post).

Sarah Slean: She's a beauty with a killer voice. I loved Sarah's music before I even knew what she herself looked like. When I saw pictures of her, I thought her beauty was just icing on the cake. When she came to town a couple of years ago, I bought tickets right away, made sure that Lori, Sarah (my Sarah, who also loves Sarah Slean), and I got as close to the stage as we could. Last November, when Sarah returned to Ottawa, Lori and I bought our tickets right away (our kids were left behind and I'm still living that one down; next time, they're both coming).

I'm a big fan. I follow Sarah on Twitter, and a few months ago she started following me (so honoured!). So I don't think Ms. Slean will ever get bumped off my list.

So there you have it, my list of five^**. Who's on your list?

^* If Songsaengnim: A Korea Diary was ever made into a movie, I'd want her to play the role of Tanya. I, of course, would be Roland!

^** Lori, who is generally okay with my list, likes to remind me how there's not a single blond among my top five. I always tell her that she's the only blond for me.