The Watcher

Is it too soon to start thinking of another novel?

I've completed the second draft of my Dark Water manuscript but I've sent it to friends and family who will proofread the story. I'm hoping they give me honest feedback and can point out any holes in the story.

When I get that feedback, I'll make any necessary changes and then submit the final draft to a professional editor and a possible publisher. There is still a lot of work to go before we see Dark Water in print, if we see it at all.

I'm hoping it gets published. I like the characters of Inspector DS Erin Hayes, and I'd like to see them move forward in another story.

Last week, after running through my first full read of the completed manuscript, I had an idea for the next case. I've even come up with the title.

Image: Perplexity

The Watcher.

So far, there's not much to this story but that was exactly how I started with Dark Water. When I made the decision to write my first crime novel, I started with the victim and a location where she'd be found, and I built from there. At the start of my outline, I didn't even know who the killer was nor why the victim would end up floating in the Rideau River.

With The Watcher, I'm thinking about creating a serial killer who has targeted people in Ottawa's ByWard Market. There's also a minor detail that I briefly touched on in Dark Water that I'd like to continue in the sequel and expand upon.

I'm even thinking that the case won't be completely solved by the end of the story, with one antagonist getting away (and I'll save them for a third novel).

Wow, I'm really getting ahead of myself.

As I said when I finished the first draft of Dark Water, I was surprised at how quickly I was able to come up with the story, create the bare bones, and flesh out the details. I had a lot of fun writing the story and my own excitement spurred me on.

Now that I'm almost ready to start the final draft and have no major writing to do with it (unless it comes back from the editor with serious changes suggested), I want to keep the writing going. I want to see what Calloway and Hayes do next.

Here we go again... stay tuned.

More Changes

I know, I seem to be talking about nothing but my novel, lately, and with good cause. Ever since I lost my job, working on my crime story has been my new day job and I sit at the same desk over the same daytime hours as I did when I was working from home.

I just don't get paid to be here.

Putting in close to 40 hours each week writing Dark Water is what allowed me to finish the first draft in such a short period of time. And, unlike my old job, this book has given me a great deal of joy. I had a lot of fun putting the story together.

(I was really good at my old job but to say I had fun or that it gave me joy is a stretch. It paid the bills and allowed me to enjoy the rest of my life.)

I'm now at a point in the writing process where I've started reading my book and making corrections to the grammar, spelling, and other errors. In reading just the first two paragraphs of the prologue, I realized that I had left out something from the epilogue, and used that morning to add the new content. I then started from be beginning and read through the story.

By the end, I had cut some material, added new material, and corrected existing material. I also made notes of things that I needed to research more and made sure I had followed all of the clues that the detectives discovered.

And, after reading, I walked away from the book for the weekend.

As I wrote, a couple of days ago, I made some changes to one of the detectives, Erin Hayes. Using an advanced AI search engine, I was able to make her more believable, even if that meant she was knocked down in rank.

At the beginning of this week, I started reading Dark Water a second time, and by the second chapter, I decided to make a major structural change. And this change took me the entire day.

When I started writing the outline, I wanted to structure the book so that each chapter was an entire day, with the exception of the prologue, which spans two days (it's short), and the first and second chapters, which were one day but from the perspective of different people.

The problem with keeping one day per chapter was that the chapters became very long. Some were as many as 60 8.5 x 11 pages, which translated into 80 paperback pages or more. I used asterisks (*) to denote scene breaks, hoping they would make it easy on a reader, but I decided that I need to give up my one-chapter-per-day structure.

So I went through each chapter and broke it up where I thought the scene change warranted a new chapter. Some chapters are as long as 14 pages while a few are as short as one or two pages. After I restructured the book, I've ended up with 58 chapters, a prologue, and an epilogue.

I'm hoping that it is now easier to read: I'm currently going through my first reading with this new structure so I hope I made the right decision.

When I demoted Erin Hayes, I made her a Detective Sergeant, which is still a fast track for someone her age, but I thought I'd need to create a backstory that explains her rise in the ranks. This involved me creating another crime story, which actually came pretty quickly, though I find the crime-fiction genre to be my calling (more on that, tomorrow).

Without giving too much away, Hayes is known as the Detective Constable who cracked the Jackpot Kidnappings case, which had reached international recognition. By the time she is promoted and transferred to the Ottawa Police Services, Mickey Calloway had heard of the Jackpot Kidnappings.

While I was brainstorming for Hayes' backstory, I took a look at the image that I had AI generate, a few months ago, of our two detectives. I had already generated a new image of Hayes, alone, which I used for my blog post about her demotion. It's perfect in its depiction of my "ridiculously beautiful" detective and I won't be generating any more.

The new Calloway (Perplexity)

But I've always thought that the AI image of Calloway was too 'Hollywood' in its portrayal of my lead male detective. Calloway is huge (two metres tall and broad) and has an imposing look about him, but he can be as gentle as he is tough.

I wanted to create a less-perfect image of him, so after attaching the old picture of Hayes and Calloway into Perplexity, I asked the AI tool to make him less 'TV-ready' and to give him a more human appearance.

The image gives him a softer, more rounded face, though I believe that when he wants to look intimidating, he can. The new image also has him appear like he would be a good dad, and that's how I've written Calloway.

So this picture is also a keeper.

Someone asked me, in an earlier Comments section, if I would not use a human graphics artist for my book cover, and they are right. When Dark Water is eventually published, I will seek out a graphic designer (or the publishing company will).

When I had Songsaengnim: A Korea Diary published, the publishers offered a few cover designs from which I could choose. I assumed they had a few stock covers and suggested the most suitable ones for me to inspect. I chose the cover it ended up getting.

I've created these AI images to use as ideas for a cover, and I would show them to the graphics designer as a template. In the meantime, I've created them to use in my blog posts. They were never intended as a final book cover.

I continue to go through the manuscript and make changes as needed. I'm still several weeks away from submitting it to an editor, so there's lots of work ahead of me.

I hope you're not bothered by me sharing my thought process and status of the book. In fact, I hope that I'm building anticipation, so that when Dark Water is finally published, you'll be interested enough to want to buy a copy.

Happy Thursday!

A Demotion

Now that the first draft of Dark Water is done, I've started looking at the story and the characters with a more critical eye. I want my eventual readers to believe that the story is plausible.

For the first draft, I did a lot of Googling and asked ChatGPT a lot of questions. In roundabout ways, without sharing excerpts of scenes, I would describe scenarios that reflected the content of the story and ask the AI tool if what I described was realistic.

More times than not, Chat GPT would chime in with a positive assessment of that scenario, to the extent that I thought it was a yes-bot. Its responses would be encouraging, starting with a "that's a great idea and really develops your (character/plot) well."

If there was something that didn't go well, the AI tool would still give me encouragement but would offer a suggestion that would "tweak" my scenario. Never once did it tell me that I was wrong or unrealistic.

Now that I'm trying a new search engine, Perplexity, I'm being given a dose of reality.

I've been told that I'm not being realistic on one important piece of my story and that my audience would have a rough time believing it, especially if the reader knows anything about the police.

As you might know from following my posts about Dark Water, the two main detectives in the story are Inspector Michael 'Mickey' Calloway and Inspector Erin Hayes. What you may not know is anything about the characters, themselves, as I have kept most of the story out of my blog posts (I've shared the first chapter and the story synopsis in other blog posts but want to keep the overall story quiet).

But I feel I can tell you about the main characters without spoiling anything.

Calloway is 50 years old and a seasoned veteran in the Ottawa Police Serious Crimes Unit. He's lived in Ottawa his whole life and is married, with a teenage daughter.

Hayes (image: Perplexity)

His partner, who is a hard-working officer, was steadily promoted up the ranks from the Niagara Regional Police. When a vacancy opened at the OPSCU, Hayes was recommended by the NRP top brass. Hayes is only 28 when she was promoted to the rank of Inspector.

When I developed Hayes, I did searches on the rank structure with the OPS, checking Wikipedia, Google, and ChatGPT. I learned that making Hayes an Inspector at 28 was a steep climb but possible.

Now that I'm going through my book with a more critical eye, I thought I would test out Perplexity by describing Hayes and giving her the rank I have written. And Perplexity was brutally honest.

It told me that there's no way that a 28-year-old, even joining a police force at 19, would reach the rank of Inspector in that timeframe. It worked out what would be needed to get to that rank, and the youngest that Hayes could be was in her early to mid 30s.

I then gave the search engine more to work with. I told it the age that Hayes finishes high school (18) and to map out what she would have to do to get hired at the Niagara Regional Police. I also asked it to figure out what rank she could be in order to be brought on to the OPS as a highly recommended candidate to join the Homicide Unit.

Perplexity showed me the sources that it accessed to glean the information and I was impressed. It accessed the OPS Web site as well as the NRP site. It looked at sites that support Ontario Police Officers Association. It referenced various news articles from across the province.

Hayes would have had to go to university or college to obtain a three-year degree or diploma, preferably in in criminology, psychology, sociology, or policing studies. While in university or college, she would volunteer with community organizations (such as police auxiliaries and victim services) and/or work in security and crime prevention to gain relevant experience.

I'm not going to list everything that Hayes would have to do, but she'd also have to attend Police College, get hired after graduation, be on probation for a year, and then go through the ranks. Assuming she's a hard-working, dedicated officer—and I've created her such that she becomes a rock star at NRP—by the time she reaches 27, she could plausibly earn the rank of Detective Constable (a rank I didn't see in my previous searches of OPS ranks, though I recognize the rank in many detective novels I've read), also sometimes working as an Acting Detective Sergeant.

By the time she hits 28, when she applies for the position at the OPS Homicide Unit and receives glowing endorsement from the brass at the NRP, Hayes could be promoted to Detective Sergeant.

That's where I'm going to put her in my re-writes. And while I made up the Serious Crimes Unit for the OPS and named other divisions by their real names (the Drug Unit, for example, comes up), I may use the real name of Homicide Unit in the book, to distinguish it from the Guns and Gangs Unit and other departments that handle other serious crimes; though, in doing so, I'm going to have to make other changes to Calloway's past cases (one, that haunts him through this story).

Yes, it's a demotion from the rank I gave her but Google and ChatGPT didn't give me the depth of ranks that Perplexity gave me. DS Hayes has a certain ring to it, anyway.

I have ideas for Calloway and Hayes, and I've written a post for Friday that will explain what I have in store. While Calloway is exactly where he needs to be, hoping to someday become the Superintendent of his department, giving Hayes the rank of Detective Sergeant allows for a lot of growth of her character.

Stay tuned.

Visualizing Characters

Midge Ure in 1985.

When I created Roland Axam, more than 40 years ago, I had a clear picture of how I wanted him to look. My favourite band at the time was UK new-wave band Ultravox. Around that time, front man Midge Ure had started releasing solo albums, and the cover for his first one, The Gift, featured Ure in a black-and-white, slightly noir head shot.

Roland Axam, in my mind, didn't look exactly like Ure but close enough to win a look-alike contest. Roland had a more-defined jawline and eyes that always looked half-closed, like he was either in deep thought or was sizing you up.

If you ever looked at Roland, you would never know what he was thinking. And that was perfect for the short stories and trilogy that I wrote, in the late 80s, where Axam was a spy.

Me, in 1998.

By the time I wrote Songsaengnim: A Korea Diary, Roland looked like a cross between Midge Ure and myself, especially how I looked at the end of my first year whilst living in South Korea. I often visualized Ure, on the cover of The Gift, and a photo of me in a Seoul market, and I mashed them up in my head to create an image, but that image was never clear to me.

When I write about other characters, however, I don't always see a face.

When I started writing Dark Water, a few months ago, I didn't have images for most of the characters. When I created the victim that is discovered in the Rideau River, I just imagined a woman in her late 20s or early 30s, with long, red hair.

Once she was extracted from the water, I kept picturing one face as I wrote about her. And I'm a bit disturbed to have my image be that of Ottawa journalist, Rachel Gilmore.

I say 'disturbed' because while she fits the profile of my victim, I would never want to see any harm come to Gilmore. She's great at her job and I enjoy following her on Bluesky and YouTube.

So far, I've been unable to clearly visualize my two inspectors, Mickey Calloway and Erin Hayes. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, when I asked ChatGPT to create a book cover that included these characters, I purposely requested that the detectives faced away.

The AI tool was actually pretty good at visualizing my description of the detective duo.

But this week, as I was reading through my rough manuscript, trying to flesh out the characters more, I still couldn't give Calloway or Hayes a face. So I finally asked ChatGPT to do it.

Image: ChatGPT

The first attempt was pretty good and I liked the face that was given to Calloway. I think he could be 'drawn' taller and more imposing (he's a solid 2 metres and broad-shouldered).

And while the image of Hayes is good, I think she appears in the image older than she is in the book. She's supposed to be 28 and, as Calloway put it, is "ridiculously beautiful." I mean, the woman in the ChatGPT image is pretty but not ridiculously so, IMHO.

I then asked the tool to make her prettier and younger, reminding ChatGPT that she's supposed to look 28. I think the woman in the first image looks mid-30s.

Here's what it gave me in its second attempt:

Image: ChatGPT

Closer. I prefer the Calloway rendering in the first image but Hayes looks closer to her age this time.

As I've written her, Inspector Hayes is half a metre shorter than Calloway. In the image that I had ChatGPT create where the detectives are faced away, I asked it to change the image so that she was 75 percent shorter than Calloway, and the tool gave her the legs of a child but kept the proportions above her legs the same.

Talk about ridiculous. Obviously, I didn't keep that image.

I'm not going to mess with the characters' height in this image. It's not important. I just wanted to create some faces to give me a better visualization for when I write the story, and I think these images help accomplish this objective.

Unlike how ChatGPT visualized Roland Axam when it merged our photos.

Happy Tuesday!

ChatGPT's first interpretation of a merge of me and Midge Ure, as Roland Axam. Hmm...